1. "Female Trouble"

Simply the funniest comedy ever made. I can't think of another movie that makes me laugh as hard or as often as this John Waters classic. Just thinking of Christmas with the Davenports or scenes of a marriage with Dawn, Gator and Taffy gives me an uncontrollable fit of the giggles.

2. "Winter Kills"

This fictional film probably gets closer to the truth about recent events in American history than Ollie Stone's overblown "JFK". It's a flaky satire of a wealthy New England family, their political aspirations, and the mystery of a presidential assassination. Telling any more would probably spoil this weird, underseen opus which boasts an oddball, all-star assortment of a cast which includes Jeff Bridges, John Huston, Anthony Perkins, Toshiro Mifune and Elizabeth Taylor.

3. "Robocop"

Only former art house lunatic Paul Verhoeven could spin this tale that can be enjoyed on several levels. You can take your pick between ultraviolent super heroics, ultimate satire of the excessive '80's, updated telling of religious parable, man searching for his humanity, nihilist nightmare or black comedy. As for me, I like the part where the car runs into that guy from "Fame" and knocks his fucking head off! It's fucking awesome!!!

4. "Alice, Sweet Alice"

This was pawned off as a slasher flick starring a prepubescent Brooke Shields in a desperate attempt to cash in on "The Blue Lagoon" and "Pretty Baby". She's barely in it, but no matter for this is a very well done and very creepy period piece set in a tight knit neighborhood in North Jersey. Yes, it is about a mad killer, but it's also about Catholicism, JFK, Liz & Dick, the wages of sin and spotless Communion dresses. Very Creepy. Very disturbing.

5. "Batman: Mask of the Phantasm"

This animated movie was released theatrically for 15 minutes and quickly shunted off to the kiddie video shelves where it languishes with the likes of the Olsen Twins and Barney yet it is more mature and better written than all of the live action Batman films combined. The makers of this film actually care about the character. They have finally given the Dark Knight his due.

6. "Alien"

Yes, it's a remake of "It, the Terror from Beyond Space", but what a beautifully designed production! I love the idea of a cranky cast of characters working shitty jobs in space, eating crummy food, not getting along with one another and having their day wrecked by a beautifully designed, Freudian horror. It's kind of like real life.

7. "Farewell, My Lovely"

Speaking of remakes, this was originally produced in the '40's as "Murder, My Sweet", but the stagey, low rent original pales in comparison to this 1975 version. It stars Robert Mitchum as Philip Marlowe - a role tailor-made for that actor. He does a great job as the world weary detective who figures he's seen it all until life offers another kick in the gut. You chalk it up to experience; drink your drink, and call it a night. It's a good companion piece with "Chinatown" or some Bogie classics.

8. "The Man Who Would Be King"

You never think how good Michael Caine can be until you see him in something like this which is probably the last of the true screen epics. Both Caine and man's man Sean Connery are excellent in what may be John Huston's greatest film. My regret is that I never saw it on the big screen.

9. "Sweetie"

David Lynch, step aside! This Campion lady has you beat hands down, and she can stick to a narrative. The imagery from this movie still haunts me. I'll never think of the Honeycomb Kids tree house the same way again.

10. "The Horror of Party Beach"

This movie has it all! It's a beach movie! It's a musical! It's a monster movie! It's a biker flick! It's a grim warning about radioactive waste affecting the environment! "It's the voodoo, that's what it is!"

Yeah, but how could I forget "The Searchers"? ...or "Red River"...or any of the Leone Spaghetti Westerns? How about "The Brain That Wouldn't Die" or "Dawn of the Dead"? What about "Destroy All Monsters" or "Valley of the Dolls"? Yeah, I have a lot of problems with my own list, but maybe I can update it later or refine the list - make it genre specific.

1. "Alfie"

A movie that Hollywood would not likely make today. An unapologetic portrait of a cockney slob who swings his dick in a wide arc only to wind up with that dick in his hand at the end of the picture.

2. "The Grifters"

Pat Hingle beating Anjelica Huston with a bag of oranges shows that citrus and violence go hand in hand. Anita Bryant take note.

3. "Frankenweenie"

I know it's a short, but I'm a sucker for an underdog.

4. "Female Trouble"

Dawn Davenport is every woman's woman, and she knows how to discipline children.

5. "The Man Who Knew Too Much"

If you don't know the words to "Que Sera, Sera", you will by the end of the picture.

6. "All About Eve"

Perhaps Marilyn Monroe's greatest role - a blonde bimbo.

7. "It's a Wonderful Life"

Give me a break - I'm a girl. I can't watch this without sobbing uncontrollably.

8. "Valley of the Dolls"

Patty Duke steals the show as NEELY O'HARA!!!!! Where's cousin Kathy when you need her?

9. "Hairspray"

Not a great movie, but it's refreshing to see Jerry Stiller paired with Divine rather than that tired, old Anne Meara.

10. "Mac"

John Turturro in the construction business with his brothers. A tribute to men who earn an honest living with their hands.