Hooray, the days are getting shorter and autumn is here. Time to pack away your tube tops and think about fall color-- not the leaves, silly, I mean makeup. The biggest trend this year seems to be color. Good news, it's not all over your entire face like some overdone label whore from the King of Prussia Mall, it's more like pick a feature, and as Emeril says, bam! And once Jack Frost wraps his bony fingas around us, we'll need some cheer.

Fashion mags seem to divide into 2 camps this year: one featuring an apple cheeked, clean scrubbed, lips bitten red Heidi look, and the other camp backsliding on 20 years of conventional wisdom and putting a seal of approval on blue eyeshadow and purple lip gloss. The madonna whore dilemma manifests itself on vanities across america again this year. If ya wanna look great, but not overdone, simply apply the Chinese menu rule: pick one from column A and one from column B. Bright eyemakeup? bright lipstick? Calm blush. Bright lipstick? Bright blush? Calm eyes. get it?

Color is the big thing here. Blue eyeshadow is back, as well as sherberty greens and a color that actually works for me-- yellow. Another trend is the weird complementary to your eye color thing: brown eyes use blue shadow, blue eyes use green shadow, etc. Everyone from Christian Dior to Wet n Wild is pushing vividly colored mascara and eyepencils. L'oreal has shocking store displays featuring chartreuse eye pencil! Mmmm, yummy, great for working girls.

Color is big here, but it's a lite wash of brite color. Bright, appley reds and perky punchy pinks, NOT BRICK OR BRONZE or 80's magenta. Apply color sparingly, with a big fluffy brush, right on the Apples of your cheeks. Creme blush is popular too-- or at least folks are trying to push it-- seems weird to me. Benefit offers a liquid red paint paint-on sponge-on lip and cheek color product the magazines rave about. But at $25 for a little bottle, wouldn't it suck if you hated it? Or couldn't manage the application and ended up looking like Raggedy Ann?

Skin is clean, clear, and youthful as usual. Skin still looks dewy, but not as extreme as the haute couture shiny, plasticy of seasons past.

New this season are "Mattifying products". Clinique's got one, t-zone something. Benefit has Dr. Feelgood, which is packaged like hair pomade. I've tried the Lancome one. Its cool, it's like hair gel in texture but when you dab it on its not sticky and really helps manage shine in the ol' T zone, without the cakey thing that can happen with too much powder. Look for drugstore versions in the next year.

Much ballyhooed in the beauty press is Prescriptives' new wet/dry compact with an amazing, funny shaped, patent-pending sponge. Guess what? Its a fricking triangle. Ha Ha, the triangle as beauty breakthrough, whats next the "The Circle" by Chanel? I've heard that Revlon's new sheer long-wearing makeup is sucky, same for Almay's similar product. Makes no sense-- long wearing + sheer are good things in hosiery-- not foundation. You can barely see it all day long! Crystal Pepsi anyone?

No huge changes this season-- color trends reindex same, red looks sexy, browns and purples are hot. Big news is texture=shine. Try some "lite" sheer lipstick, or colored colored gloss. Remember, gloss can prevent chapping. Bonnie Bell has a great $2 product called "Lip Lix". BUY THIS NOW! It's chapstick sized, features a wash of glossy color, is packaged in a mature black tube, comes in silly coffee/chocolate/nut themed scents, and is available in a wide range of colors. Great worn alone or over a long last lipstick. Trés kissable.

OUT is mud brown matte mouth. In my neighborhood all the teenage moms wear this look with the world's tightest ponytails. Ya know, Italian Girls in South Philly don't have big hair anymore, they all look like Lillith from Cheers in a black t-shirt and wide legged pants. If ya can't give up your tube of deep dark matte lipstick in that muddy EARTH, RAISIN, or EXOTIC color, at least put some gloss over it. Please.

Vamp, Chanel's reddy-black is back-- surprise! It seems the Hard Candy pastels are getting passé with adults but teens still dig 'em. I tried a matte nail polish-- it sucked, I hated it. It was really streaky and the matte thing was not good-- it was in a great ruby color so I thought there was hope. It looked like I had done a bad job of washing up after painting the barn. Maybe in a sheerer, pinker, shellier color.

So that's it, go out there and put on some makeup! I know I will, except for Saturday morning when I do my weekly shopping in dyke drag, complete with BO and baseball cap. If ya ever want to get on to the head of the line at Sarcone's bakery 11 am Saturday, nothing scares the South Jersey types as much as the morning after the night before. Now get out there and put on some makeup.

Now let's go to FOOD